you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
