White coat. Heels.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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