last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You made out with two different species that night
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
