Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
