this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
