Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
