There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
