I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
