conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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