I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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