I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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