so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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