I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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