I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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