I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
