i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
