please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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