I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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