Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize