Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She bit a glass in half.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
