you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
