Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
We had to coat check the pizza.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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