I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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