im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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