Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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