Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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