I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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