oh god the rape fog is back!
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
