My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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