yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
