Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize