I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
