its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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