I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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