Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
