Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
