it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
