i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
