Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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