I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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