yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
