I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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