This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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