did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
