Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
