And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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