What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
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