I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
