I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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