Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
