Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
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