get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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