wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
honey bunches of taint.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
