We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
