Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
