I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
