We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
