PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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