You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
