We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
