Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
