six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize