Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
