you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
