Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
