and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
