So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
What drink are we having for lunch?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
