awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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