her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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