there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
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