How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
