okay pat passed out under dana's car
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
