bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
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