OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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