OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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