I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
