when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
