i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
