this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize