I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think my moral compass just broke
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
