All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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