im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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