Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
