Who did Billy Mays play for?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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