the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
