where am i from again
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
