I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
