Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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