Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
