we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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