Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
